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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112348">bruises under my skin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Study, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Other, Triggers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:16:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>686</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112348</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Twisted feelings boils inside Rey's mind as she sees, once again, the dreadful Kylo Ren.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>bruises under my skin</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: suggested abuse. in this one i just need to say that, in no moment it's meant to be rey's fault in anything she has done. the narrative is focused on rey's thoughts and her own feelings on her actions. </p><p>don't romanticize this, please.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time she saw him by the force, she felt an inevitable sense of danger craved on the back of her mind. Subtly, it came in without hesitation, without knocking and even any ceremony. That overwhelming feeling made her stop, not even flinch, as she stood in front of the dangerous Kylo Ren. </p><p>Rey could easily guess what made her fear his appearance. Why she felt as if she couldn’t even look him in the face — those dark eyes who hid many untold stories that, even if she genuinely wanted to hear them one by one, she wouldn’t feel comfortable listening to them. Kylo stared back without hesitation as he felt her presence. </p><p>But then, in the exact moment she gathered strength to defy him even though it wasn’t long since she defeated him, there was a sudden sense of fear. <em> Anger. </em> An odd anger, palpable through her hands and burning quite like holding a lightsaber to confront Kylo. It’s quite like that — with the exception of not having a lightsaber, and, for a second, not even having courage. </p><p>The second time Rey saw Kylo she wanted to ask why he was there, why he became this and why he had so much inside him. Rey considered these possibilities instead of pulling the trigger for the blaster. She considered understanding over attacking.</p><p>However, how could she even have mercy for the man that entered her mind and saw everything she wanted to hide, from everything that would take advantage over her vulnerability? She asked herself that. She constantly thought about not going to the forest and staying inside with Finn, Chewbacca and Han Solo, because somehow it wouldn’t lend to him finding her. To Kylo not being inside her mind in the worst way. To Kylo, and she disliked that undenying fact, now belonging to a side of her anger and dread and longing fear she didn’t even knew, but it existed as long as he exists. Kylo began to be a part of Rey’s memories that she hated to have, that she dismissed and, unfortunately, couldn’t take it off as if it was a part of her body. </p><p>The third time they saw each other, she felt a sick and twisted compassion for him. (She wasn’t in agreement with that and she didn’t know why that occurred out of sudden.) Kylo reached a hand towards her, to trust him to give her a best place to be in, to live in. A better and safer galaxy. In the same time that lasted almost a minute, she neglected. How there would be a better place in the solid, physical and material world if him, living in her mind as if he could take advantage of the force and the place he took effort to be inside, if he deteriorated her personal space? If he establish, inch by inch, his power and possession over her? </p><p>Rey felt as if she was drowning. Drowning in her rage, her darkest thoughts and the greediest of the urge to kill him. For her friends, for the Resistance, for what he’s done with innocent people such as her. Shallow into brutal thoughts and words. Stuck into a whirlwind of emotions and sickness, into a mixture of twisted morals that she created for herself yet, in front of him, they disappears just as blowing candles. </p><p>If Kylo acknowledged what he had done with Rey, he’d be grinning. With his goal achieved, knowing that he managed to provoke the same anger she’d provoked on him when she took the lightsaber that “belonged” to him. If she had the lightsaber, he had her. He would destroy her or use her until it would be his. Kylo Ren would do anything for his own good, no matter what. </p><p>A lightning crossed the sky of Anch-To and the wind blowed as candles went dark once more. Forgiveness wasn’t an answer for Rey as she saw Kylo Ren’s face, thinking of the moment she will end his life with his own lightsaber, letting him know what’s the sour taste of being haunt by their own blood. </p>
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